True Love

My mood is back down again so I'm focusing on tasks I need to accomplish to make it through the day. I am doing laundry and am going to go grocery shopping and pay the bills. Today I watched Crazy/Beautiful which put me in an awful mood. It was about this 17 year old girl who destroys everything in her path. She is severally depressed due to her mother's suicide and her father's neglect. She meets a straight-laced boy and they fall in-love. Of course the girl brings the boy down to her level and he ends up getting into trouble: losing friends, almost losing any chance at college, his mom doesn't trust him anymore,etc. But in the end since he risks everything to be with his "true love" it works out in the end because his true love ends up feeling loved and being reconciled with her father who helps the boy get into college. Very unrealistic, let me just say. It put me in a horrible mood. Why does our society value the feeling of being in love about all moral,ethical, and realistic standards? Does it make sense to sacrifice yourself for love, when it isn't really love? When it's just lust,excitement,temptation, passion, seeming to meet an unmet need in the name of love? True love does not destroy, but lifts up. It is not in a hurry, but is patient and waits. True love really cares about the other person and not what that person does (or can do) for you.

Better Now

I am feeling much better after going for a walk and going to church. I was able to gain a new perspective on things. I forgot to mention that I received my new Florida ID in the mail with my correct address. They changed the Florida licenses so that they now look like most other states' ID. It looks so different, much uglier. People are going to think my ID is fake, I swear. The picture in the ID was taken when I was 18, without glasses, and much thinner (15 lbs or so). Well, that's the news for now. I'm getting tired, so I'm going to bed.

I'm Discouraged

Today I'm feeling very discouraged. Hurricane Jeanne came and went (quickly, thank God), my EMA interview didn't go so hot. I keep trying to get a hold of the Sheriffs office to find out how long the background check will take, but the HR lady is so busy she hasn't gotten back to me. Now I don't know what I should do. I know I should keep looking for a job, but I really want the one at the Sheriffs office. I don't even know where to look. People have made suggestions and I have (finally) followed their suggestions by applying to those places online. However, I don't want to put the effort and energy to go out in person to meet with people for those positions. I don't want them. I'm feeling kinda depressed, kinda disconnected from everything. I find myself bored a lot, which is something I haven't been in a long time even though I've been unemployed.Well, hopefully this mood will pass soon. I'm not sure what to do with it.

Can I just say that I'm SICK of looking for a job? I don't think I can do it anymore, seriously. I think it has drained the life out of me and is slowly taking away my hope. I've never felt more frusrated in my life.

I'm Alive

So...there was another Hurricane (Jeanne), but I didn't make a big deal out of it. I mean, Frances got me so worked up for nothing that I didn't care much about Jeanne. After the Hurricane I worked out to my belly-dancing aerobics video (that's right--I said belly-dancing...it also teaches Egyptian folk dancing, it's very cool). Then I watched some more of Alias (of course). Right now we are a little more than 1/2 way through the 2nd season. We have 2 more discs to go in the 2nd season (or about 8 episodes). I figure, why not? I have a lot of free time. Tomorrow I'm going to have decide what I am going to do for the next week as far as looking for employment, just as a back-up for the dispatcher job (or if it ends up taking too long before I start working).On Saturday I am going to a meeting on volunteering at 4Kids (Christian group homes/ placement facilities run through my church for foster kids). I'm gonna find out about volunteering like one day a week. Tomorrow will be my last class (well, I'll have to make up one more class later) for the step 1 in Deep Faith Bible classes I'm taking at church. The First series is called "Exploring the Faith," the second series is called "Experiencing the Faith."

Is Florida Cursed?

Another hurricane is on it's way to us: Jeanne. It's headed toward Jupiter, FL. We are in a Hurricane Watch, again. This is the fourth major hurricane I've been freakin out about: Charley, then Frances, then Ivan. Maybe I should just make sure I'm prepared and stop freakin' out. Not much I can do about it.

The Navy is trying to recruite me

I received a packet in the mail from the Navy. They are trying to recruite me to become a Naval Officer. I don't know what I would do in the Navy. I don't think it's my cup of tea. I don't know how they got ahold of me, except that maybe I filled something out online when I was looking at information about the Air Force Reserve. I am not pursuing the Reserve thing as of yet, as I have many other things on my mind, and no hurry.

They Must Think I'm a Fugitive!

Okay, for my background check at BSO I have to submit the addresses of anywhere I have lived in the past 10 years. Phew...this has been a hard process, since I have moved so many times!

Since 1994 I have lived in this # of addresses in these places:
Nebraska 1
Texas 3
Louisiana 1
Vero Beach, FL 1
Orlando, FL 6 (2 on campus, 4 off campus)
Pembroke Pines, FL 1
Coconut Creek, FL 1

For a total of 14 different addresses! That means that I move a little more than once a year. I need to stay put!!!

The Land of the Sub-Conscious

Hey guys. Check out my new blog: Land of the Sub-Conscious It's a log of all the dreams I remember, since I usually have some pretty interesting ones.

Revelation: God is in Control

God is so much bigger than me and He has a perfect plan for my life. My frustrations come from trying to do my own thing, my own way. His way is always better. In allowing Him to rule in my heart I have given Him free reign to change me continually more and more into His image. Every time He changes something huge in me, that I never thought could ever change, He does something else. He works in my heart and in my life to do something incredible inside of me. The process of this (which I suppose could be called "growth") is uncomfortable. Just as Christ died on a cross I am commanded to die daily. To give up the things that I cling to and cling to Him. My dying and letting Him live in me allows me to allow Him to conform me to His image and glorify Him. In my natural state I do not glorify God, I am concerned with myself and all the unimportant things in this world. My focus should not be on this world, but on heaven. As life does not end when I die, but it will continue on. If my sight remains on heaven then I will be able to impact this world for eternity. The things I will do will not die when I die. Even if I am forgotten about when I die, I will sow eternal seeds that will continue to matter.

Now I Wait

Now I wait for Broward Sheriffs Office to contact me. It may take a long, long time. Tomorrow I have an interview with Emergency Managment Agency.

I am praying that I get a job by October 1. Please pray this for me as well. I have faith that God will answer my prayer. Thank you.

Most recent picture of me: Sept 2004

Me 

Romans 12

Okay, I'm going to see if I memorized Romans 12 effectively.

Let me give an intro:
Romans is written by the Apostle Paul to the new Christian believers in Rome 56-57AD
In the first 11 chapters Paul addresses God's holiness, the unholiness of both the Jews and the Gentiles, the need for righteousness to avoid God's wrath, the way of righteousness being through belief in Jesus Christ, being justified by faith in God (and not of your own good deeds or adherence to the Law),the process of sin having no power in your life through Christ and the process of being made holy through Him, sinning leading to being a slave to sin, how we can only not sin through the Spirit of God, how to fight sin and please God, we are free from the burden of the Law (which condemns us, as no one can live up to the Law (the "Law" being the famous 10 commandments plus the 600+ commandments God gave and required for holiness), God's graciousness towards Isreal (although they turned their backs on him 1000s of times).

So from there on Romans 12 on Paul talks about how to apply the righteousness that has been given to believers...That's why it starts "Therefore" since Paul has just preached the truth of God, now he tells the believers how to apply that truth.

Okay, let's see if I can remember it...

Romans 12 NASB version

Therefore, I urge you brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think, but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. For just as we have many members if one body, and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ and individually members one of another. Since we have been given gifts that differ according to the grace given us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith; if service, in his serving; or he who teaches, in his teaching; or he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who leads, with diligence; he who gives, with liberality; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness. Let love be without hypocrisy.Abhor what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, give preference to one another in honor, not lagging behind in diligence, fervert in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope,perservering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Bless those who persectue you, bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind towards one another. Do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone, but do what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Do not take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God. For it is written "Vengence is mine, I will repay," says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. For in doing so you will heap burning coals upon his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Phew...wow.
Okay, I'm really going to bed now. I'm so glad I still remember it. That chapter really changed the way I think about things...

Wow, I'm feeling better

I'm feeling better...much much better. I must have had one of those 48 hours viruses. I am so bad, I am up surfin the net while I should be sleeping. I'm so stubborn like that. I'm like a little child who doesn't want to go to bed. I'm soooo tired, yet I don't want my night to be over! Right now I'm looking up interesting ways to apply eye-shadow. Like that is worth sacrificing sleep over. Ha. Last night I was researching the book of Acts in the Bible (I found out the author, Luke-the physician/historian, wrote 28% of the Bible). It's very interesting reading about the first church and how it came together.The night before that I was looking at "Alias" fan sites. But I kind of spoiled the suspense a little for myself as I have hints of what's going to happen the next 20-30 episodes. I am so addicted to that show, it's not even funny. Tonight I watched "Babylon 5." For those of you not familiar with the show, it's like a soap-opera for Science Fiction geeks. I've seen many episodes of that too. It's entertaining, althought it doesn't compare with Star Trek the Next Generation.

Okay, I really need to head to bed. I'm really struggling to fight falling asleep, and for what reason? Stubbornness...

Oh, today I was testing myself to see if I could still remember Romans 12 which I had memorized a month ago...That will be the next post...

Errands

My interview at Broward EMA was rescheduled for Thursday at 2pm. Today I am going to complete my application for the BSO job and get it notorized. Then tomorrow AM I am going to the DMV to get my addressed changed on my license. I tried to change it twice on-line, but I have still not received anything in the mail (after 2 months). I hate the DMV (mostly just the long lines) and have been avoiding going in at all costs, but I must do what I gotta do.

"Alias"

Wow. My roomie Kerry and I are becoming addicted to the TV series "ALIAS."We have never watched it on TV. Last week Kerry said she heard it was a cool show and we decided to rent it on DVD at Blockbuster. So the past 2 weeks we have seen the 22 episodes in the first season and 4 episodes of the 2nd season. It is so freakin good! Almost every night I have a dream that I'm a spy for the US government on a secret mission! Well, more about "Alias" later. For now I have to get some sleep. I have an interview with Emergency Managment Agency in the AM. :-)

Look in the Archives

Hi. I'm so glad that people are now checking out my website. :-D
Just wanted to let you know that there are more pictures and posts. If you look to the right of the screen at the bottom there are archives that are organized by week.

Well, there is not much news here. I'm about to start getting ready for church. I attend church services on Saturdays, but I'm not a part of the Seventh-Day Advent church (most people ask). The church I attend, Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale is so large that they have several services: 2 Wednesday nights, 1 Saturday night, and 4 on Sunday. I like the Saturday service the best because the pastor usually tells jokes and rambles on and it's usually a lot less formal than on Sundays.

I Passed My Tests!

For those of you who don't know I have been going through a very slow and strenous application process in order to become an Communications Operator I (Emergency Dispatcher) for the Broward Sheriff's Office I first applied in June (I think...it's been so long...). My first test was in August, which was an audio skills test. I passed that. Today I took the 2nd and 3rd test: Data Entry and Geography and passed with flying colors! I'm so happy!!! The HR recruiter said that if I passed the very extensive background test and polygraph test that I would be offered a postion. So, these next few days I will be busy gathering all sorts of info about me and getting in notarized so they can poke around in my (non)criminal history. Fun fun. And Monday I have an interview for a completely different job, doing Office Support at Broward's Emergency Managment Agency(these are the people who prepare, plan, and anticipate disasters such as hurricanes).

On another note (but related to jobs/careers) I oddly enough having been thinking about joining the military. I say "oddly" because I've always been very opposed to the idea. But recently I have been thinking of all the benefits that come with being in the armed forces: honor, discipline, physical fitness, job security, advancement, etc. The thing is, I don't want to move every 2-5 years, so I've been thinking about joining the Air Force Reserve in which I would have to serve 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks during the year. I emailed a recruiter to give me more information. I also have to see how everything is going to play out with my interviews.

PICTURE: Back Yard

Picture: Back yard. Here is a picture of our back porch. We have a beautiful view. 

PICTURE: Stairs

Picture: Stairs. These are the stairs that lead up to the 2nd floor of the townhouse (the bedrooms) 

PICTURE: Bookcase

Picture: Bookcase. Here is the bookcase that my roomie's parents' friend built for us 

PICTURE: Dining Room/Kitchen.Here is my and my roomie's dining room/kitchen 

PICTURE: My Living Room. Here is me and my roomie's living room 

PICTURE: Nanny, Granddad, and Mom in Vero Beach, FL 

PICTURE: My Mom and I in Vero Beach. Aren't we cute? 

PICTURE: Me in my Poca-Dot Dress 

In Vero Beach

I am in Vero Beach visiting my grandparents. I took lots of pictures so I'm looking forward to developing them so I can post them here!
I am so tired. I have been going to bed at 10pm and waking up at 7am. Isn't that strange? What happened to the old night owl Kim? It is only 9pm and already my body and mind is wanting to hit the pillow...ZZZZZZZZ...oops, fell asleep there.
It's a sign I'm getting old. I am almost 24...eek...I'm entering my Mid-20s!
I have cellulite and white hairs. No (major)wrinkles yet.
I suppose there are more important things to focus on than looks, but sometimes I slip into my vanity.

I'm tired

Today is Friday. I just got back from running around. Today was my last day at the temp job. It went well. Busy as usual. I'm so exhausted from my car troubles. I've had to spend $700 to fix it. And they are saying my breaks aren't working properly, which doesn't makes sense since I got my breaks totally replaced 2 years ago. I also went to the temp agency to take some more tests about a possible interview next week scheduling appointments for a construction company for $13-$14/hour. So, hopefully...

My Mom's in town. She's been running around with me. We are both pooped.

Still waiting on Hurricane Ivan. Here it comes...
Maybe it won't hit Florida, who knows...but it's another thing that is making me anxious.

I am anxious, and I am tired. I guess it's because EVERYTHING is up in the air. Ugh.

I am now gainfully EMPLOYED (even if only temporarily)

Hi all! I have a temp job answering phones at a mortgage company. It's only till the end of the week, but a least it's something (I have been busting my butt looking for work FOREVER)! It pays $11/hour which is incredible b/c all I'm doing is answering phones (I've done much harder work for only $7/hour)! So I'm happy. Time to start paying bills...(ugh).

So, I'm still tracking hurricane Ivan. Will it hit Florida? Click here to find out.

Besides that not much new news, or at least any that I can share...:-P

"Hurricane Snail"------>"Hurricane Lame-o"

Wow...Hurricane Frances took F-O-R-E-V-E-R! I was couped up for 4 days (I was starting to get cabin fever)! There wasn't much to do besides sleep and watch the local news. Every station was showing hurricane coverage...news reporters getting hit over the head with pom fronds (for those of you not from Florida I mean Palmtree leaves), news anchors accidently swearing (saying "b%$ch" instead of "beach") from lack of sleep, and continous repeated coverage, stating the obvious ("um...the Hurricane will hit the coast...eventually...we think"). So as I was waiting for the the Hurricane to hit the coast...and waiting...and waiting...I decided to give the Hurricane a pet name: "Hurricane Snail." Their is a snail on my downstairs bathroom wall that actually was moving faster than Hurricane Frances, I think. Well, after I was couped up for 4 days I started calling "Hurricane Snail"another name "Hurricane Lame-o." I hate to say it, but the Hurricane was quite disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I am very upset that lots of people lost power, and that a lot of cosmetic damage was done to residential homes and businesses, and that everyone had a lame Labor Day weekend in the "Sunshine State" (heh).
However, I felt that the news TOTALLY vamped things up and sensationalized the whole thing. People aren't going to take hurricanes seriously now. And there is another hurricane that is seeming to come to the US (Hurricane Ivan). I think it'll be a bad one.

Here is the track that Hurricane Frances took (and is still on the move)...

Here is the expected track for Hurricane Ivan...
It looks like it's coming straight towards Florida--eek!

Hope

Lot's of prep for the hurricane. Don't know if it'll even hit here.

Besides that, I do have a lot on my mind. Many many thoughts. But I have to get to bed because I have to get up early tomorrow (or later today, I should say) to prepare. I'm thinking about how my heart is in a bazillion different places. There are so many possiblities to my life, and so much to look forward to. My life never ends up being as I plan, not always exactly what I hope for. But I'm starting to see things in a different light. It's almost like I can see the future, except I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen in the process to get me (or other people there). I guess that'll be the fun part--finding out. God is good, and His promises are good, I know that much. I am looking forward to the journey.

I Change My Mind, Hurricane Go Away!

Okay, so I'm not as excited about the hurricane as I was yesterday, because it looks like in fact in will most likely hit us. It's a pretty scarey thing. The next 48 hours are unknown. I'm going to need to be praying a lot for everyone's safety.

My bro is not doing so well. He has a lot of things going on, a lot of things that aren't promising. I love him so much and I pray for him every day. I'm praying that God will place him with a family that loves him and will how him what it's like to be a man. My bro keeps hanging around this punk kids who get him into trouble.

I talked to my grandma. She said not to worry about the hurricane, even if the worst will happen, because if it's our time to go, then it's our time to go. I saw a lot of wisdom in that statement. All things happen for a reason, it is the will of God. So on that note, their really is no need to worry. God's got my back, even admist horrible trials (or even death), so I have no need to fear.

PICTURE: Kim Possible

...with God all things are Possible...
This is me dressed as Kim Possible, Halloween 2003, Orlando FL

PICTURE: Mr. Chaos (the Fearful Cat)

Mr. Chaos is kinda schizo, but I love him. He now belongs to my roomie's parents. He likes to cry in the middle of the night and wake people up.
Me and Mr. Chaos