Things that bring death

I was watching a reality makeover show today and it left me feeling bad. The daugther and friend had dragged the mom onto this makeover show. The family lived in a rural area and the mother wasn't into fashion because she farmed. She liked long floral dresses and wore her greyish orange hair in a long ponytail. I watched her heart break as her daughter and friend critized her and told her that the reason she didn't have any friends was because of the way she dressed.

In my opinion, what does she need those kind of friends for anyway? The kind of friends that only like you when you dress fashionably. The kind of friends that will only be around you in you conform to the world's idea of fashion?

I understand that in this world the way you present yourself affects how you are treated. I've always looked very young for my age and thus people have typically been condescending or motherly. I've had people not take me seriously and give me all sorts of unwanted advice because I look young. Now that I'm a woman and have had a baby I have curves and this makes me look older. The extra 30 lbs I've put on since college has made me look somewhere between 20 and 30 instead of between 12 and 17, which is good. People do take me a little more seriously now.

All these stupid makeover shows. Not having the "right" look and you are not adequate. You are not "all you can be." You are not "in tune with the universe." Looking good helps, don't get me wrong. But should a person's heart be ripped open just so that they can fit in in this world?

I like people who don't fit in. It is refreshing to me to be around people who care about what they look like, but not because they are trying to fit in, but because they are trying to honor God in everything they do.

Today I made of list of things to avoid, things that bring me death. Friday I was anxious, and they anxiety came from...well, I don't know. But I heard voices (not literally, I'm not crazy) that were telling me I was stupid, and ugly, and a horrible employee, and a horrible wife, and mom. All lies. Completely false. But I felt anxious the whole day. Somewhere deep back in the back of my heart and in my mind I remembered that I was supposed to mediate on things that were good, and lovely, and kind, and pleasing, etc. My mind had been completely focused on the things that the world cares about and I felt SO anxious.

So today I thought about it, I'm just going to avoid the things that generally make me feel like I'm lacking or inadequate in any way. I mean really, who needs that?

Things to avoid:

1. Makeover shows (home or personal). These shows leave me feeling like I don't have the right look and because of it my life is not complete.

2. All tv, with a few exceptions. I will not turn on the tv because I'm bored. There are three shows I like, two I will go out of my way for. I love Lost and I love Malcolm in the Middle, and I will watch the Simpsons. These shows don't make me anxious or make me feel like I'm missing something, in fact the opposite. Malcolm gives me a good laugh and Lost intrigues me. If I want to watch those shows I will record them and watch them at a convenient time.

What will I do with all the extra time?

3. I will avoid malls whenever possible. Every single time I go into a mall I walk out feeling out-of-place, and poor, and ugly. So I won't go there. Instead, I will support our local small businesses by shopping at small retail stores.

There are things that bring death, things that bring life, and things that are neutral. I really do want to be where Life is.