Is it the culture or am I just getting old?

I think I might be getting old. I'm only 26, but I was around college-aged students tonight and I felt SO old. I can barely stay up past 10pm anymore. I guess that's what happens when you become a parent. Teenagers and young adults have so much passion and energy. I used to have a lot of passion. I think a lot of hard and dramatic things have happened over the last 4 years that really grew me up.

I'm more contemplative and I have to take a step back and confidently think about things. Emotions do not rule me anymore. That is a victory for me. Thank you Lord. It's only through Him and the things that he's done in my life. I have no major sins in my life. I do every day struggle with little ones: I'm tempted to gossip and to be cynical. I'm tempted to try to take possession of my life and I'm tempted to help people so that they'll praise me. I'm tempted to rub it in another's face when I am right. I'm tempted to desire things of this world. I'm tempted to spend time doing things I want to do verses what God wants.

I suppose those are big things, but at least I don't struggle with sexual sins, and I don't have pent up anger and hatred, and I geninuely want to know God. But what's missing is knowing what God has called me to.

I've just discovered who I am. ::sigh:: I finally feel like I got it. Now, what do I do? What am I supposed to be doing? I want to be satisfied. Not happy, satisfied. I want God to use what He made me for and I want to know what He is doing.

Where is my heart? I want to share my life. I want to mentor. I want to have compassion for and care for others.

Sometimes I feel lonely because I want to connect with others, but I don't get popular culture. I don't get the way they talk or they way the dress or the technology they use. I am different.