Wow. No one has been to my blog since my last blog post. Oh well, I'm not as anxious for people to read what I've written as I once was. The change in the last few years is that I'm not looking for anyone's opinion.
Some introspective thinking:
What is life all about? I don't think God intended for me to live just for fun. Life has been hard. I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to DO. I feel a bit like a toddler, spiritually speaking. I feel these gates up around me and God saying "No" and I don't understand why I'm I can't go where I want to go and do what I want to do.
I feel stuck to live the responsible life. It's not that I want to be irresponsible, but I want filfull God's purpose for me. The truth is, I'm not happy where God has placed me. I'm trying to be, if that counts for anything, but I'm so frustrated.
I know that every day I have little sins that I have to confess and move on like gossip, telling little fibs, or just simply putting myself first. However, I know God is not punishing me or anything for any big sins. I'm not engaging in big sins. I'm not doing anything worthy of God's punshiment. However, I am a little leary of trusting God because no matter WHAT I do I feel stuck. I want to soar on top of eagel's wings.
I need to ask God what to do with this frustration. He never promised me that my life would be like heaven, but how do I deal with the frustation I have right now over my life? I feel like I can't do anything to change it. The only thing I can control is my attitude, and even that feels like climbing up a steep mountain just to maintain a positive attitude.
How do I reach out to others?
Life is so hard and difficult. Is it going to get easier?
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