What if I had not been born prematurely?

I just had the thought, what if I had been born on or around my actual due date instead of prematurely? I realized that my life would (could) be dramatically different.

I was due on Thanksgiving (end of November) of '80. Instead I was born 6 weeks early on October 13th. My mom had a high risk pregnancy (pregnancy induced hypertension) and was hospitalized in Mississippi even though we were living in Florida.

I would most likely have been born the first week of December if there had been no problems in the pregnancy (with 1st time mommies usually giving birth 1-2 weeks after assigned due date) I would have been born in Florida not in Mississippi.The most profound effect is that I would have started school a year later. They let me slide- I guess if you were born Sept 1 or earlier they would let you start, but they made an exception for me (which they most likely wouldn't have had I been born in December) and I started Kindergarden at age 4.

I was born weighing 3' 11 oz (tiny!) and the first few years of my life I had some respiratory problems. So I image those around me were probably a little protective of me. I was seen as little Kimmy. What if I had been born regular sized with no problems? Might I have been viewed, or raised, differently?

I believe I probably would have lived in the same places, but just would have been in a different grade. I would have started school in the states in 2nd grade instead of 3rd. I remember having trouble with 3rd grade math because in 2nd grade in England I had learned British currency and when I moved to the US pennies, nickles, dimes, quarters, and dollars seemed foreign to me. I didn't do well at math as a result and I did poorly in math classes (as I had no confidence in myself on the subject) until I came across my 10th grade Alegbra teacher whose teaching style just made sense to me. So, would this have changed my grades and my academic interests? My major in college?

I may have not have met my Karen, Rebecca, Julia, Robin and Jessie (my friends in Florida when I was 7-11 yrs old) because I wouldn't have been in the same grade as them. Because they are still in my psyche, they influenced the way that I think about things (some good, some bad).

I would not have started high school in Nebraska. My 9th grade was such an important year. Rachel G. influenced me to try out for cheerleading (something I had no interest doing on my own). The friends I made, the crushes on boys I had, would all be different.

I would have started high school in Texas. I may not have participated in TKD because I would not have met Amy B. I may not have met my long term long-distance boyfriend at the time and the implications of that are staggering. Most importantly, I may not have had any experience with church (and thus may have come to my relationship with God by a different means) because I had no interest in going, but Amy B asked me so many times I eventually said yes.

Looking back I realized that I identified more with the class behind me ('99, and somewhat with the class of '00 although less so) than I did with my own graduating class. My parents divorced in '98. So the question is, would I have remained with my Dad in Texas or moved in with my mom in Louisiana? Would I have ended up going to college in NY or in MT (where my parents prospectively ended up moving to)? Or Texas or Florida?

I most likely would not have met the people I met in Florida. And thus, my spiritual journey would look remarkable different. Would I have met my husband or would I be married to someone else? Would I have the kids I have now?

I guess I'm thinking about this because, while I know that I have choices in life that direct the way my life goes, I feel as if it were my destiny to have been born 6 weeks early, as my life would look remarkably different had I been born "on time." As there are no answers as to what could have happened, I can only marvel at God's perfect timing and plan for my life.

NC

I'm in North Carolina w. the in-laws. It's not so bad here. Family is nice, weather is nice. My husband finally found his dream job! So all is not bad. I just need to get out of my shell and start meeting some people!

My 1/3rd life crisis

My job is ending in 1 week and I'm looking into going into nursing school. Life has been SO hard, it has not stopped and I have not had a chance to rest for YEARS. I'm looking into the abyss hoping that if I step out in faith God will bring some peace and rest, life and hope. I'm so hurting & looking for a community of believers. I've experienced really Christian community before and everything else feels so stale in comparison. I haven't felt God's presence in an awfully long time. I want God to show up and I want to see Him work.

It's 2009

It's 2009 & I have a new baby and a new job. Matt is at home taking care of 7 month old Liam (who just cut his first tooth) and 2 1/2 year old Kaylin who is so precocious and delightful. I am working for a job with the State of Ohio. I did have my VBAC, although I had to make lots of compromises. I'm hoping that 2009 will be a wonderful year. 2004 was hard, 2005 was life-changing (got married), 2006 was even more life-changing (had first child, moved in with in-laws, and grieved friends' suicide), 2007 was very hard (we moved across country, I became a stay-at-home mom, and we lived in poverty), and 2008 was even harder (had my 2nd child & went back to work). Hopefully, 2009 will not be even even harder. I'm hoping for an easy year. Jeez, I need a break...

Can't Sleep

Wow. Am I dealing with insomnia. I get so tired I'm ready to pass out and then when I lay down to sleep I can't doze off. So here I am at 3am. Hopefully writing down my thoughts will help.

I'm thinking about:

#1. Childbirth. I'm 23 weeks pregnant with baby # two. I wonder whether or not my pelvis will be measured as being adequate so that they'll let me try for a VBAC. I have a great distrust for medical professionals right now and I'm scared I'll be robbed of what birth experience I want. I want desperately to be healed of my last experience with my C-section. I am a part of the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN)'s yahoo mailing list.

#2. My daughter. I feel like I'm failing at this stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) thing often and I keep thinking I need to get out of the house, but I don't want anyone else to raise my daughter.

#3. Finances. We don't have enough money to cover all our bills. All except for one, I guess. But that's a big one. I wonder if it's destroyed our credit. $ is so tight I never thought I could spend so little. Sometimes it's really frustrating. The good news is we got a roof over our heads, food, and we haven't gone into the negative in our bank account. So God is providing.

#4. Church. I feel so disconnected right now. I need to fellowship with others to get out of my own little world. I wonder if we can start doing that.

I think that encompasses my thoughts.